Relationship Advice

by Patricia
(A beautiful place on Planet Earth)

Question

Six months ago I met a guy and we became friends. He has qualities I like and I developed feelings for him. The friendship started to move beyond "just being friends" but I panicked because I was not sure that was what I wanted. In my own confused state, I started a fight with him about one of his female friends.

After the fight, he went abroad for a while. During that time I had the opportunity to consider and decide that I did indeed want to move beyond friendship.

However, ever since he has returned, his behaviour seems to have changed. He doesn't seem to be as open with me as he used to be before the fight. Though we are starting to talk like we did before the fight, I feel some damage has definitely been done. I know that he does care for me.

What can I do to move beyond friendship - now that I know I want to?

Answer

I thought about your question for a while. I think your friend might be a bit afraid (maybe sub-consciously) of moving beyond friendship with you or becoming more intimate with you. This could be why he might be sharing lesser these days. It is natural for any person to feel a bit reserved or restrained just after a fight and your friend might be in that phase right now.

What could you do now to help the situation? I feel the most important thing right now could be to tell him what you feel about the fight. I do not know whether you have discussed the fight with him or not but discussing it is definitely important. If you feel that you caused the fight because of your resistance to make the friendship move to the next level, then tell your friend that. Confess exactly what caused the fight and ask him how he felt after it. Listen to him and genuinely try to understand his emotions. This talking about the fight is important because it will help restrained feelings on both sides get released.

After you have talked about the fight in detail with him and understood his feelings about it, tell him what you truly feel deep down about the relationship. Share with him the fact that you would want to make your friendship move beyond just friendship. He could then tell you what he feels about his relationship with you.

This I feel, is the best way to currently deal with the situation.

All the best. :)