For starters, I too get angry, even though I am writing this 'how to control anger' article. :) But whatever I am writing helps me to get less angry most of the time and to not get angry at all and be happy the rest of the time.
Here’s what I do when I get angry.
Once I was talking to my best friend on phone when he said to me, “Please talk fast because I am very sleepy.”
I wished him good night but I got very angry after hanging up. I thought, - he does not even want to listen to what I am saying – so much so that he is asking me to talk fast so that he can get over with it fast.
Then, I switched off the lights in the room and lay down on the bed.
I caressed my own hair. And started talking to my inner child.
Me 1 – What happened my love, how are you? (I felt how I was for a while)
Me IC (Inner child) – I am very, very angry. I always want to listen to him. And here he says I should talk fast! He doesn’t care about me at all. All he is concerned with is his sleep.
Me 1 – Aw. Is that so? What makes you angry?
Me IC –The fact that he cared only about his sleep. He knew I wanted to tell him so much – yet he said he wanted to sleep.
Me 1 – But love, he called you only because you told him on chat that you were missing him. He did not have to call. He did so because he cared for you…
Me IC – Yeah, he did call me. That is true.
Me 1 – Why do you think he said he was sleepy? Do you really think he would ever say it if he weren’t sleepy? And if he actually said it, maybe he was very, very sleepy. Maybe he was already terribly sleepy when you were chatting online but he did not mention it. He leaves home at 7 in the morning and comes back at 8 in the night. He is very, very tired. Many times he is drained at work. And he chatted with me till late in the night and then even called me because I was missing him. How sleepy he must have been to really say – I can’t talk more!
Me IC - Yeah, he must have been very, very sleepy. Why else would he have said – I can’t talk more….
Me 1 - And deary, he is also such a wonderful listener….Not once in the past one year has he ever wanted to not listen to you…He always loves listening and does not even want to interrupt. How pathetic he must have been feeling to actually cut you in the middle and say – talk fast because I am very sleepy! And he was also so genuine in saying so. He did not hide it, he expressed it. Isn’t that beautiful?
Me IC – He’s nice.
Me 1 - Come now let’s start off with the site work. Let’s rock the night! :) Come, let me hug you.
I read somewhere, that there was an inner child inside all of us, who wanted attention, appreciation and lots and lots of love and care. I don’t know if there is such a child, but I definitely became less angry when I talked with this guy and gave him love.
Whenever you are really, really angry – ask your inner child – how are you my love? Then feel how you are, and let the inner child tell you how he is. Ask him lovingly why he is angry. “What do you want dearest?” Understand what he wants. You see there must be something that pissed him off big time, otherwise why would he throw all these tantrums? “What pissed you off dearie?”, ask him. Listen to what he wants - listen to his story of hurt, caress him. Hug him. Kiss him. Let him tell you how terribly angry he is. But, be there as the loving mother who talks to him and helps him understand the situation better.
You see, somewhere this inner child guy felt betrayed. He felt like no one cared about him. Tell him you care about him. You do anyway right, he’s a part of you! Once he realizes that he is loved and secure, the inner child will smile too. And then you will smile too. So talk to your inner child and smile.
Earlier I used to deny my anger. I used to scold myself somewhere and say – "Don’t get angry! There’s no point getting angry here!" But maybe I was scolding the inner child. What happens when you hit a child and scold him? He cries louder and shouts even more. No wonder that I got angrier. :)
But when I talked to him lovingly, he told me why he was angry and whoosh, his anger vanished!
Will you try it when you are angry the next time? Please do. Because, it worked so well for me.
And you simply must tell me how your experience with talking to the inner child was here. Knowing how to control anger and talking to your inner child can be fun. :)Go back from How to Control Anger to the anger introduction page Anger Management Tips