Maybe you get angry quite often. The slightest things irritate you. You resolve not to feel angry so easily, but you just can't control it at times.
What can you do to stop getting so angry? Is it even possible?
Here are 5 anger management tips that can really help you deal with your anger:
This is one of those anger management tips that might be very difficult to practice, but if it works, it can really help you.
Just when you are feeling very angry at someone, try to become aware of what you are feeling at that moment. Try to feel how your body gets stiffer. Try to notice the extreme agitation inside you. Try to notice the resentment you are feeling towards the other person. And also notice the pain you are feeling deep down.
Here's what happened when I did this recently. I was angry at someone and as I brought my attention to the emotion of anger inside me, I noticed the enormous amount of unrest inside me. I noticed a certain wildness, a certain irritation inside me. I could clearly perceive that I was harming myself - I was flooding myself with some kind of horrid energy. Noticing this, slowly dissolved the anger. It didn't go away completely, but it definitely receded.
Bringing awareness to your anger is an excellent way to calm yourself down. It may be tough - but if you are able to do it even once, you will understand how destructive anger is to yourself, so why not try it?
Dealing with anger is possible, just stop resisting (Image from PhotoBucket)
|Scroll down to take a peek at more detailed articles about different anger management tips!|
This is something that you can do after you have recovered from your angry state.
Take a piece of paper or open a Word document and write/type: why did I get angry? Why did I feel so agitated?
Please note that anger is just a superficial reaction to your pain. All anger is pain in a different form. So, if you think, "This guy made me angry or this event made me angry", you are cheating yourself. Someone else cannot make you angry. Someone else can however trigger the pain that is already in you. Ask yourself these questions about your anger:
b) Did I project the pain that was already in me on another person? (Sometimes we project pain because of one reason onto a completely different person.)
c) What are my anger triggers? Why do these things cause me pain? How can I help myself dissolve this pain?
Note that anger itself is never the problem. The pain that is there deep down which causes you to get angry is the problem. You might fight with a stranger on the road - but did the stranger really make you angry? Did he behave so badly that he deserved your anger? Not really. You were already irritated and that is why you became angry at him. If you were happy, you would neglect his behavior. Most of our anger is this kind of anger - anger that comes from past pain. And unless you really get to the root of your pain, you will continue being angry.
Get to the root of your pain. Ask yourself what causes you the pain and try to release these pain triggers as you journal.
If you know that you will end up hurting people intimate with you because of your anger, then do something to remove yourself from the "anger-inducing" situation immediately. Go to another room.
Once you are alone, take a few deep breaths. Now, talk to yourself with love. If possible cuddle yourself. Hold yourself. Imagine hugging yourself. There is an inner child in all of us and this child is the one that is pained when we are angry. Talk to this inner child lovingly. Ask him,
"What is troubling you, my love?"
"How can I make you feel better?"
Listen to what your inner child says. Listen to the pain this child is feeling. Calm it down. Address its concerns.
You will feel better because anger cannot survive when there is love.
This method requires a lot of awareness of course, but again, if it works for you, you will definitely feel very, very good. Why not try it out?
By the way, here's a detailed article about talking to your inner child when angry. I've written the word to word conversation I had with my inner child in this article.
When we are angry we think only about ourselves. We do not care about the other person at all. All we want is what we want. Nothing else matters.
The next time you are angry, ask yourself - is the other person really so bad? Why did he or she do what he or she did? Did they do it knowingly? Or did they do it unintentionally? Maybe they were in pain themselves because of which they acted in the way they did?
This can be extremely difficult to do when you are angry. After all, you are consumed by anger! Anger takes over you. BUT - if you can somehow manage to think about the situation from the other person's point of view when you are angry, your anger will decrease to a good extent almost instantly.
One way to try to understand the other person's point in the moment of anger is to suddenly start listening. When two people are angry, both of them shout but none of them listens. Change that and just start listening to what the other person is saying. Shut up for some time (that's difficult, but do it anyway) and think: what if what the other person is saying is true? For some moments, become aware of the other person's pain...
I'll repeat what I've said twice earlier: why not at least try this 'managing anger tip' out the next time you are angry?
This is one of the 'simple but not often practised' anger management tips. Instead of rectifying the situation when you are already angry - try to create nice and happy situations that do not make you angry!
Yes, this is under your control.
Tell me, will you be angry if you are happy and excited all day? Spend a lot of time doing work that makes you very happy. What is it? Singing? Painting? Dancing? Writing? Public speaking? Making earrings? Whatever it is, do a lot of this kind of work that fulfills you. If your job doesn't make you happy then come home and do a lot of such work (though I would suggest changing your job as a long term solution). The point is - do stuff that makes you happy, then there's no way you are going to get angry!
Of course a person who has spent the whole day doing work he hates will pick up a fight at home. A person who is satisfied with what he's done all day will neglect small misunderstandings.
So yup. Go do something you LOVE!
Those were some simple anger management tips that have helped me in dealing with anger in the past. Of course I am not perfect with respect to anger yet - but come on, we're all learning. :)
Do keep in mind that managing anger does not mean you accept whatever situation you are in. Sometimes, you may need to change your situation and take radical steps. You may need to quit an unsatisfactory job or bring something wrong that's happening to people's notice. However, you can do all those things without being angry too. When you control your anger or rather master it, you are then able to be assertive WITHOUT unnecessarily harming yourself and others.
Well, all the best for an anger-free + super-happy day today! Here's a cool quote to end this post:
"Anger is setting yourself on fire so the smoke will annoy someone."
Anger management steps: A step by step guide to manage anger
How to control anger by talking to your inner child with love
Q: What is the root cause of anger? A: Resistance to what is.
How to stop complaining and blaming others once and for all