One day, I thought a lot about anger and devised some anger management steps to tackle it.
I have a strong feeling that they’ll help you manage your anger if you REALLY try them out.
That’s the first step. Are you really ready to put in the effort to do anything about anger? Because there’s no doubt, managing anger is definitely going to be hard work. You know don’t you that there can really not exist any quick fix anger management tip that’ll stop you from getting angry? I mean how can there be one?
So, well, you’ll work hard, won’t you? If yes, here we go! :)
I think there are 2 main situations when you get angry. One is when there is a core problem – and you keep getting angry again and again over it. Like if you think your husband is very careless and unclean, you might keep getting angry again and again and again, day after day for the same thing. Or your son doesn’t study – and you just keep getting angry again and again about it. I call this Repeated Pattern.
The other situation is when you just somehow get angry because a new thing happened. Like a stranger shouted at you. Or your girlfriend got pissed off at you because you didn’t come on time for a date. Anything that does not have any core problem or issue attached with it. It just happened in the moment. I call this a New Situation.
Now if you are really getting angry again and again for the same freaking reason, here’s what I thought up.
Anger Management Strategy 1
List repeated anger patterns
Sit down and write on a paper – what makes you angry again and again. Like,
I become angry when Jyotsna does not keep the house clean. Or say,
I get angry whenever Rahul talks about quitting college.
Doesn’t that feel really cool? I’d say do it now, just take a moment and write down what makes you angry. I think all this anger management thingy will be easy if we do it right away as we go on. I’ll wait. :)
Anger Management Strategy 2
Now that you’ve written it down, simple – decide what to do about this situation when it arises next. Like if Jyotsna does not keep the house clean when you come home from work and that pisses you off, then what can you do about it? You could talk to Jyotsna about it. Or you could choose to not care about it. Or you could clean up yourself. Whatever, just think of a solution to what you’ll do when the same crap happens next time.
Yeah, I’ll wait this time too – just work out any simple solution to that problem of yours that keeps making you angry again and again.
Anger Management Strategy 3
Remember the solution
Now this should be the most difficult part I guess. Next time when the situation arises, follow the solution. I know this sounds so freaking simple, and I bet it is so freaking simple – just very difficult to follow through.
Once you’ve talked with Jyotsna about being or not being clean, and with your son about quitting college or to whoever about whatever it is that angers you, follow what you finally decided.
It’ll be VERY, very strong - the urge to just chuck this stuff out and blare like a loudspeaker. But well, we handled that one at the beginning – you said you were ready to do the hard work – so do the hard work and please follow through the solution. :)
Anger Management Strategy 4
This one’s an add on. I feel it’ll help you follow through the solution you worked out.
Find some spare time, close your eyes and lie down on your bed. Clearly imagine the situation when you get angered and then imagine yourself following your solution. Like the next time this Jyotsna doesn’t clean up – how’d you want to react? Really see everything before yourself – SEE the situation happening and you reacting in that AWESOME manner.
This is very tough too, I guess, because you’d want to wander off and think ten other things – but work hard, pump your fists and visualize.
That’s it. I really feel – if you follow through these 4 steps you can manage any situation that makes you yell AGAIN and AGAIN. Not anymore. Please, do try it.
Back to those times, when there's no real problem anywhere, but you’re plain angry. Like the odd stranger meddling with you or a friend getting mad at you because you didn’t go to the movies with him. (Thank God, there’s no more of Jyotsna. :) )
Here are my anger management steps for getting rid of that anger.
Anger Management Tip 1
Make a list of anger management steps
List out all the free anger management techniques you ever heard of. Yes, yes you know them already!
*Count from 1 to 20
*Run or exercise for 15 minutes immediately
*Stop paying attention to what the other person is saying (!)
*Take a deep breath…. Etc etc…
This free anger management techniques site lists a lot of tips. Write the ones you like on paper. You can write them now, I’ll wait for you. Oh yes, I will.
Anger Management Tip 2
One method focus
Now for the next one week, you’re going to focus on ONE of these tips. Not ALL. Not 5 of them, but just one.
Every time, you get angry, you’re going to do that one thing you decided to do.
We always read a lot of stuff you see, but generally don’t implement it. At least I don’t. So if you can REALLY implement even one of those anger management tips every single time you got angry in the next week, you rock!
So will you count from 1 to 20 the next week? Or will you take a deep breath?
Anger Management Tip 3
After the week’s up see if it worked or not – this one method you picked. I mean, we’ve all heard – count till 10 – but what if it actually sucks and doesn’t make a difference? So you decide if that method you picked worked for you or not.
If it did cool! If you want more, pick another method – and try it out for the NEXT week.
Do this, do that, detect anger patterns, mug up free anger management techniques, journal, follow anger management steps, solve problems…NO! Do you have to do so much to get over your anger?
Not at all. You can safely choose to forget about everything on this page and pick up any one thing to do next time you’re angry and do it. The point is, doing it. If you don’t do it, it doesn’t matter how confusing or how many anger tips I’ve written out does it?
Doing is what gets you great results.
If I have to confess the honest truth, well the truth is that my anger has not yet crossed too many boundaries, and so I generally do not try these techniques out when I am angry. I am sure however, that if on any day my anger goes out of bounds, this is a list I'll refer too. For now I do this when angry. You can try that technique too!